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It’s Always Best To Be Gracious

My mother, by her example, taught me that we should always do our level best to be gracious. As I see people serving the public in retail, restaurants, housekeeping, home services, hotels, etc., I remember that these folks recognize and truly appreciate kindness. And they really need it daily.
Tip servers, leave kind notes (and tips) for housekeeping staff, write Google reviews about a company and specifically highlight the person who made your experience worthwhile. And if you didn’t experience an exceptional “over-the-top” event, still be gracious. We all have occasional bad days.
Kathleen Lapekas and her son Jacob
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Specific Feedback for Specific Results

I’ve noticed when feedback such as, “Stop doing this….” or “Please refrain from….” that we ASSUME our message is clear and will correct the problem at hand. However, that assumption may lead to confusion and mutual frustration. Instead, we need to specifically explain in terms of what we want them to do (rather than in terms of what we want them not to do).

A few years ago, we took our autistic son, age 15, to do an initial consultation with an orthodontist. As the orthodontist attempted to examine my son’s mouth, I noticed the doctor grew increasingly frustrated as my son clamped his mouth shut, and only revealed his teeth through his lips.

The doctor, trying to work with my son, repeatedly directed him, “Don’t close your mouth. Don’t close your mouth. Don’t close your mouth.” Despite this directive, my son continued to keep his lips open to reveal his teeth, but did not open his whole mouth. Seeing this quickly rise to a level of frustration, I pulled the doctor aside and offered him feedback to help him be more effective with my “literal-thinker” of a son.

I advised him to say, “Open up your entire mouth, and then keep your mouth open so I can look inside.” The doctor initially replied, “That’s what I’ve been asking him to do!”

I clarified, “No, you were directing him to not close his mouth – and assumed that he would intuitively know what you wanted him to do. When you tell him to not do something, you assume he understands what you want him to do instead – but this is not the case with my son.

If you simply tell him exactly what you want him to do, I can promise you that he will happily comply. He wants to be successful. He wants you to be proud of him. He wants to help. He’s just not clear what your directions mean.”

The “lightbulb” seemingly appeared over the doctor’s head, and when we went back into the room, I noticed the doctor smiled and said to my son, “I need you to open your entire mouth so I can look in there, and just keep it open while I look in there.” My son smiled and opened up wide; which made the experience mutually successful.

Give people the benefit of the doubt; that if they know clearly what you want them to do that they will be more receptive of the feedback that leads them to being successful.

Interested in updating the way you give feedback?


Accountability in the Workplace

I believe that “accountability” has been given a bad rap over the years.  We associate the word, “Accountability” with something that’s bad – hearing the phrase, “I’m going to hold you accountable” with a finger pointed at us. 

However, what accountability really means is that our performance will be “noticed” by our manager.  A manager who pays attention and tells employees, “I’ve noticed,” is a manager who understands that with accountability, employees are motivated to perform. 

Good performers actually WANT accountability – they WANT their performance to be noticed.  It’s very un-motivating to work extremely hard on something, only to have no one ever pay attention or notice.  I noticed a sign at a dentist office said, “If you ignore your teeth, they’ll go away.”  The same is true for ignoring a good performer – If you ignore a good performer, they will go away and work for someone who will give them accountability (“I’ve noticed”) for their good performance.

Bad performers prefer that their bad performance be overlooked and not noticed – but they truly need accountability to keep their feet to the fire.  Accountability does a beautiful job of naturally weeding out people who don’t want to work, and reward those who do.

Need help establishing a process for accountability?


“At-Will Employment”

Many people are confused about the term with “At-Will Employment.”  Some employers I have met feel that “At-Will Employment” means they can hire / fire anyone they want for any reason under the sun, and they’re off the hook from being sued. 

Technically, “At-Will” employment means that there is no “contractual obligation” on either the part of the employer or employee to retain employment.  In short, both the employer and the employee retain the right to end employment with or without cause and with or without notice – so long as the company is not in violation of local, state or federal employment laws.

An “At-Will” employer can still be sued for discrimination, but cannot be sued for a “breach of contract” (since no contract is in place with an “At-Will Employment” relationship).   

Need some assistance navigating “At-Will employment?”